Humans are amazing and beautiful creatures. Life has many things that make it enjoyable, but emotions and feelings play an incredible role in it. With emotions, we can love, connect, laugh, cry, and experience joy; emotions are like the colors of the human soul. So many of these variations make life enjoyable and dynamic.
Unless a human, one of our family members, has a severe psychological disorder, all humans experience varying degrees of emotions. This connects us, but it can also have adverse effects. If you are reading this book, you have emotions. Humans, as far as we know, are the only creatures on earth to experience complex emotions. We can even bond with things that have no emotion, and we can project emotion into them. Like a tree, an animal, or any religious artifact. If you disagree that animals don’t have complex emotions, no problem, we can disagree and still get along. This is also a remarkable human trait, to respect and love someone who perhaps you don’t agree with or understand fully.
So, what do we learn about emotions as humans? We all have them, and having emotions is a part of what makes us human. Internal or external factors trigger emotions. So, if someone is experiencing sadness, there is a reason. If someone is angry, there is a reason. We may disagree with the reason, but it does not detract from the very fact that a human’s emotions are triggered by something that other humans can and cannot see.
How does this help us in dealing with other humans? Empathy is said to be one of the most powerful emotions; it’s the ability to try to feel what someone else is feeling. If someone is crying, we aim to understand the cause, whether internal or external, and we aim to feel what they are feeling so that we can better understand them as people.
Developing empathy led by love is one of the most influential and valuable tools humans can learn. In whatever way we connect with other humans, empathy can have the power to heal what has been broken.
Let us imagine one possible human scenario. Bob is married to Debbie, and they disagree about an upcoming family reunion. Debbie does not want to invite Bob’s sister to the family reunion, so an argument unfolds.
So far, who is right? Should Bob’s sister be invited to the family reunion or not? Is Bob right in wanting his sister there, or is his wife right in not wanting her there? Many arguments unfold in similar matters; perhaps you can imagine a recent one you had with a friend or a mate. They can happen in almost any context. Why do arguments happen? Emotions and communication. These two are at war with each other; emotions can get stirred up quickly before context or understanding is fully satisfied. Emotions can take over before both parties understand fully; a lack of clear communication can trigger more emotions that can lead down a problematic path.
What can help in this situation? Empathy, and perhaps even humility. First, it’s essential to know that you should never want to win an argument. If you enter an argument with an emotional response to win it, you will lose it. On the flip side, if you enter an argument with the emotional reason to lose it, you just don’t want to argue, so you close down and concede; you will also lose it. To win, the aim should be for both parties to understand the emotions behind the words and actions entirely. Communication helps bridge actions and feelings with a correct context.
Next time, try listening with the intent of being proven wrong. Wait, what? Yes, try to see things from their perspective and ask questions with the intent of being proven wrong. If you want to be proven wrong, you can unlock an ability to see their side fully, or at least attempt to.
Now, let us stop here and address something profound. Other than moral principles, which will be covered in another Chapter, in an argument, both parties are right relative to their own emotions. Bob is right for wanting to have his sister at the family reunion, and Debbie is right for not wanting her to be there. So, in this situation, does Bob’s sister go or not? In this context, you may think there is a clear right and wrong answer, but instead, there is only an outcome. Bob’s sister will go or not go; that is the outcome, and this is separate from being right or wrong because both feelings are justified. Perhaps Debbie decides to leave the party early, or possibly Debbie ‘gives in’ and agrees to have Bob’s sister there. It does not matter what the outcome is; the emotions of both parties are justified relative to their feelings on the matter.
Again, most humans can feel emotion, so their actions are, in nearly all cases, driven by their feelings. Sometimes, a human does not know how they feel, or they don’t know the reason why they feel ‘that way’ after you ask them questions about it. This is not because they don’t have emotions, it’s because they have not been taught how to be introspective and identify their individual feelings and even the thoughts that lead to those feelings. Sometimes, it takes a minute to find the root cause, and sometimes, it takes hours or days to find out the root cause of an argument. The ability of each human to understand the connection between their individual feelings and actions and to be able to express this clearly to other humans is a superpower.
Emotions are power, and every human has them. Our ability to understand the emotions behind someone’s actions and words helps provide context and assists in developing understanding and love for someone. When you begin to recognize that all your human family has similar feelings and triggers, your eyes and heart begin to clear, and this helps you connect with others.
Let us go back to our hypothetical, but it could be the very true story of Bob and Debbie. We will cover relationships in another Chapter, but when Bob understands Debbie’s feelings on why she does not want his sister to come, he hears her story, tries to understand her story, and sees what emotions and thoughts are involved. When they both, take the time to understand each other, regardless of the outcome, it betters their lives and helps build connections to eachother.
What is the point? Humans possess complex emotions that drive their actions and words. All actions and words are driven by some type of emotion. The better we understand this, the better we are at connecting with other humans and seeing them as part of our family. There is another driving force that we must talk about: thoughts.